To be honest, revealing these feels like I am telling someone that I truly am a communist subversive out to destroy all that is good in Capitalist America. It’s my dirty secret. I love a good rom com or rom dram or whatever they call those romantic movies that are not comedies. Here are the few I can think of at the moment. Note, they mostly are mostly all from the early 2000s. I think that dates me somehow, but I am not going to delve into that discussion. It would take volumes, I mean VOLUMES, to dissect the ways my book and film exposure as a young girl/teen has influenced my adulthood. And it would terrifying. TERRIFYING I TELL YOU.

Well, here they are. In no particular order:

1. Two Weeks Notice

(Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant)

This movie is filled with so many left-over 90s stereotypes and tropes it’s ridiculous. Capitalist-with-the-hots-for-Ayn-Rand meets white-girl-saving-the-world-one-tree-at-a-time and of course because “opposites” attract is pretty much the 90s’ manifesto (see what I did there? haha) they fall in love and hurt each other with their words and make up and live happily hippily ever after and blah blah blah. Basically, I love it. I am such a child of the 90s it hurts.

Sandra: My life is Meaningless. Fuck.

Hugh: THIS BED IS FUCKING HUGE. I AM BUYING IT.

2. Someone Like You

(Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman)

Ashley Judd delves into sociobiology and comes up with that it’s all her fault because she is a reserved, emotionally immature woman. It’s the biggest clusterfuck of shame culture and hegemonic femininity. But there’s Hugh Jackman who is kinda lovely with his chain smoking ass and Ms. Judd is one of the most awesome and fierce feminist badasses that I want for a bff. Yet Ugh. The shame I experience after finishing this movie…

^Hugh says “You fail as a person, good job”^

3. Failure to Launch

(Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McConaughey)

For the record, I really don’t like SJP. She drives me nuts. But it was the first I’d ever seen of Zoey Dechanel and she does this proto-manic pixie dream girl, except she’s crazy and violent and she falls for Justin Bartha’s awkward yet brilliant nerd of all nerds. It was mind blowing when I was 17, okay???

4. The Proposal

(Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds)

Maybe it’s mostly for that full side body nude shot of both Ryan and Sandra or maybe it’s for the high quality dialogue and the serious plot line of Canadian deportation, but I can’t help but love this movie. Plus it gave the sassy Betty White a great mainstream role that has helped relaunch her into the hearts and minds of Americans everywhere. SO MUCH WIN.

<— This only reason this movie managed to sell any DVDs

<—-And because of Betty, of course.

5.Sahara

(Penelope Cruz & Matthew McConaughey)

And Steve Zahn. Who I feel weird about but I still like him. I think I like this movie because it’s got the updated yet classic adventure feel to it (Oh hello The Mummy, I still love your absolute shitiness) and plus Penelope is well, PENELOPE. GIVE ME YOUR FACE AND BODY, PENELOPE. Plus history conspiracies are fun for the whole family. Wait, unless it’s the entirety of the History channel because that’s fucked up.

THE FUCKING ALIENS BUILT EVERYTHING!!!!! YEEEEEEEAH!

6. He’s Just Not that Into You

(A Whole bunch of people I do not care to name)

I think it’s the vignette approach. I think that’s it.  That and the fact that most of the other stories besides the “main” one have little to nothing to do with the theme “He’s just not that into you” that derives from the giant pile of horseshit that is the dating book that inspired the movie. Because the rest of the stories have lovely snapshots of couples and love and blah blah blah blah.

7. New In Town

(Renée Zellweger and Harry Connick Jr.)

For the record, Harry Connick Jr gave me such tingly feels when I first saw him in Memphis Belle, and now any time he looks/sings  at a screen I melt. Into a shamed and delighted puddle.

<—–CAN YOU SAY NO TO THAT SMIRK???????

The only things I’ve liked Zelleweger in was Bridget Jones, Cold Mountain and Chicago and this is no exception. I don’t get her otherwise. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS ANGRILY SQUINTING AT EVERYTHING, RENÉE? But seeing her in “Minnesota” is damn funny, it’s got some Jones-esque moments that makes it bearable. PLUS HARRY IS BEARDY AND IT IS GOOD.

^This business cannot be handled^ DAT BEARD.

*******

Well, I think seven dumb rom coms is enough to make you people rethink your friendships with me and to question my sanity and general health. Yet, in my defense, I now quote the Magnificent Mindy Kaling, who says things much better than I could ever dream to:

“I feel almost embarrassed revealing this, because the genre has been so degraded in the past twenty years that saying you like romantic comedies is essentially an admission of mild stupidity. But that has not stopped me from enjoying them. I like watching people fall in love onscreen so much that I can suspend my disbelief in the contrived situations that occur only in the heightened world of romantic comedies. I have come to enjoy the moment when the male lead, say, slips and falls right on top of the expensive wedding cake. I actually feel robbed when the female lead’s dress doesn’t get torn open at a baseball game while the JumboTron camera is on her. I regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world operates according to different rules than my regular human world.” – From The New Yorker, “Flick Chicks”    [emphasis mine]

It’s sci-fi, people, so chill.

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